Andrew and I celebrated our 11 year wedding anniversary this past weekend in Traverse City! We visited a few vineyards, hiked a few trails, went to the movies, slept in, and even got pampered with a couples massage! It was such an incredible little getaway that allowed us to really connect. We were able to set new goals, talk about our dreams, discuss our vision for our family, and just have fun being silly, eating good food, and enjoying each other’s company. But before you think that I’m sharing this to look as if we have it all together I’d like to shed light on a few things! I have no idea if any of this will even resonate with anyone, but I know that if it helps even one person who feels alone in their marriage then it’s worth putting it out there! 

First, I believe whole heartily that if you want something bad enough and you are willing to fight for it and pray for it it can be yours! 

Andrew and I fell really hard for each other very early on in our relationship. He told me that he loved me after only a few months of dating but I was hesitant to say it back even though I told myself I was going to marry him one day. I was very guarded due to previous relationships that I had been in, but there was just something about this boy that stole my heart from the very beginning. I’d often tell friends that it all just seemed too good to be true! He was incredibly handsome, he was funny, he treated me like gold, he had plans for his future, and he even enjoyed going to church with me! But as we continued to date I quickly found out that our perfect little relationship was anything but perfect. Quite the opposite actually. Our problems seemed monumental compared to everyone else’s, and instead of fighting the problems that kept coming our way, we were turning against each other in order to self protect. We had issues with communication, solving conflict, respect, trust and to make things worse we were making some pretty bad lifestyle choices thinking it would fill the void within us. There was an immense amount of growth that needed to take place in our own personal lives before we as a couple could ever be whole. Both spiritual growth as well as maturity. It was a long and painful process of change that needed to happen within ourselves. Real “look in the mirror” type moments. Two broken people will never be able to come together and be whole. But once we were able to grow individually, only then were we at a place where we could work on our relationship as a couple. And let me tell you, that was when all the real work took place. God was pruning off old branches in us in order to make room for new growth, but the pruning process hurts! It often stretches us farther than we are comfortable with, and that’s when most people throw in the towel. I know God allowed us to go through it because everything we walked through lead us to where we are today. No great battle is won without a fight. The harder the battle the greater the victory, ya know!  I sit here today in awe of the relationship we have, because although I desired it, I never in a million years thought we’d get here. I tell you this to give you hope if you desire more for your marriage. There were so many times that I’d want to scream for help not knowing how to make things better between us, but I was too afraid to reach out to anyone because weren’t we supposed to have it all together? I’m here to tell you that going through hard stuff in marriage is normal and it’s real. We have sit down and counseled countless couples who all have had very similar problems but believed that they were the only ones going through them. Isolation makes people believe that divorce is the only way out, but that is simply not true. I have such a huge passion for marriage as I believe it is the single most important human relationship we will ever have. Too many people are giving up on their relationships because either they simply don’t have the tools they need to succeed or they aren’t willing to use the tools available to them.  When it comes to marriage unfortunately it doesn’t come with a guide book that ensures you get what you signed up for. There are many tools and “guidebooks” out there but it’s up to us to find them and then use them. The difference between those that have a great marriage and those that want a great marriage is the effort that is put in to obtain the information that is needed to be successful. We hold the key to success in our hands. It’s up to us to fight with everything we’ve got. Although it may require hard work, before you know it you’ll be able to sit back and reap a harvest!

If you have overwhelming problems in your marriage and you’ve tried many different things hoping for change but you just cant seem to find the right tools to fix them, reach out to someone you trust for guidance. I have resources that I’d love to share if you are interested and of course I am here to help in any way I can! In marriage you are a team. You either win together or lose together. I’m cheering for you!

-Andrea